i am so fucking sick and tired

of rollercoaster confidence.
the only thing i have to cling to is music.
i guess that's not so bad.

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"it's sprinkling out."

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courtesy of one of my bffs, miss chastine vosvick . when i saw it, it made my insides sparkle :) still think i'm getting sick, but going to work today doesn't seem too entirely oppressive as the rain leaves me with two options: stay inside and be utterly unproductive (well, i guess i could keep working on that study sheet for US history...) or stay inside at work and make some money. not the most glorious forecast, but i do look forward to the sunshine in my future.
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"Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel." -James Taylor

This morning I received some awful, tragic, devastating news. My younger sister’s good friend suddenly passed away on Tuesday. He was 27-years-old. We’ve known Robert for years. He’s the younger brother of someone I was very good friends with in high school and part of my sister’s very tight knit crew. He had previously lived in NYC and recently moved to Los Angeles to pursue a career in “the industry”. Prior to him moving to his new apartment in Santa Monica, he was staying on our couch while he looked for a place to live. He was an excellent house guest and always a pleasure to have around. I am so mad. I’m so goddamn angry about this. This isn’t supposed to happen, 27-year-old men aren’t supposed to just NOT WAKE UP. Julia wasn’t supposed to lose her younger brother when she’s got a son who needs an uncle. His parents aren’t meant to bury their 2 nd eldest child. Jesse is supposed to have an older brother to look up to. My sister isn’t supposed to be mourning the los...
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New Moon, New Year, New Me (kinda)

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Well it's been over two years since I wrote a full entry and sooo so very much has happened since then. So very much that I'm not even going to attempt to detail anything about it, but I will give a quick overview: between Feb 2018 and September 2018 ( just typed October because apparently I have no idea where I am in time anymore... ), I embarked on what I will ( begrudgingly ) call a "spiritual journey" ( oof, that sounds so cheesy ). In mid-to-late 2016, a shift started happening and I really started to dive into a pool I had previously only dipped a toe in ( crystals with Dad, practicing yoga, watching The Secret, astrology, chakras, whatnot ); I knew something was changing inside of me, it was necessary and an upgrade, and I really started "doing the work", as They say. ANYWAY, a couple years, some psilocybin journeys, an ayahuasca ceremony, countless meditations, reflections, shifts, and changes later, here I am in 2018. It's September ( ...
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